In Time of Grief

I am in Asheville, NC.

My Aunt, who is like a mother to me, passed away exactly a week ago today. When I saw missed calls and messages that were non-specific but seemed urgent, I had a sick feeling to my stomach that something was terribly wrong. I tried calling everyone back in the order of received calls and texts and was only successful in reaching one of them.

She passed in her home by herself. She has no children… we were all kind of her children and she took care of all of us in her own way.

I cried uncontrollably… stopped… and only when you think you are all cried out and there cannot possibly be more tears, it hits you! It comes in waves and at the most inconvenient and unexpected times. I replayed over and over the last conversation we had, my promising her that I’d go visit and stay with her for a while when I get my health situated and have a clean bill of health. Why didn’t I call her more often? Why couldn’t I just go, even for a weekend? Why? Why? Why?

In the end, no amount of regret is going to change anything at all… but it is something that keeps eating away at me.

All I can do is take comfort in knowing that she lived a full and an amazing life most people can only dream of…

Yimo, I love you and I will think of you, always~